After a very nice break away, yesterday I returned to discover a bulging inbox which left me feeling more than a tad overwhelmed, and to make matters worse, one of the first emails I opened turned out to be a lengthy rant about a piece of content I hadn’t complemented with a photo. The feedback was reasonable enough – I had been forced to rush through a digital feature that was to be attached to a marketing email, and the copy had been supplied at the last minute. Because I was extremely short on time, I failed to include a larger photo on this accompanying attached content, and absolutely agree that it would have been the better way forward. No excuses, and I for one am well aware that the best learning usually comes from recognising the mistakes I’ve made (or how I could have improved).
Only thing is, this message from a reader was shared in such a way that it was upsetting, and the tone of voice used was that of an individual who came across (in this email, at least) as one who assumes they know better.
It was really obvious they had not considered:
My (as the content creator) feelings and the amount of work actually put into the entire body of work in the first place.
Other time constraints and workload pressures I might be facing.
All the other things in the overall campaign I’d actually got right!
Do you know the feeling?
Many of you reading this spend much of your day putting yourselves ‘out there’, creatively speaking and otherwise. Whether you are broadcasting on air, writing, blogging, filming, painting or working in PR and communications – it’s all a bit of a risky business for the ego. Some would even say we’re brave for doing it. I know a lot of people who are apprehensive about sharing their ideas, content or stories for fear of any type of criticism.
As content creators and communicators, we are consistently in a position where we need to produce written work or other creative output (videos, social media, blogs, magazine features etc.), and with that opportunity comes the people who are quick to judge our work, and not often in a constructive way.
We’re all pretty used to being ‘judged’, and I think most of the time this actually helps with positive personal and professional growth. Cooper and I began our careers in radio – an industry rife with arrogance and daily criticism of your work! That said, when delivered well, this really can help you become a far better on-air announcer than you ever would without feedback. Similarly, my mentors in publishing consistently showed me better ways to phrase, word, style and so on. This is how we hone a craft. This experience also helps you to develop a thick skin, which is something of a necessity in this and many other lines of work.
Criticism delivered in a negative, thoughtless or hurtful way though (whether intentional or unintentional on the part of the person sharing it), can have an adverse impact on self-esteem and confidence, and for those working in communications and creative industries, it has the potential to cause real problems.
People tend to be quick to pick problems, but very slow to share praise or thanks in the form of emails or comments on social media, websites or blogs. Have you ever been on the receiving end of destructive criticism and what kind of impact did it have on you?
These kinds of experiences remind me to think twice if I catch myself being judgmental and critical of other people’s work, because actually, they’re likely to have put much time and effort into the ideas, reason and production of the content being consumed out there in the public domain (whether you thoroughly enjoy it or not). Sharing feedback on someone’s published work is actually challenging their abilities and ideas, and it’s reasonable to expect that what comes back – if not entirely positive – should be designed to help them grow.
Moral of the story: give feedback constructively not destructively; and if you’re on the receiving end, take the valuable learning from it, and leave the rest at the door.
Today’s challenge: When you see something online today (on social media, a website, news site or blog) that’s helpful, makes you smile or feel inspired, drop a positive comment there to let the person behind it know you appreciate the thought and time they’ve put in.
Lorraine Dawson decided to learn Spanish a few years ago, after harbouring a desire to do so for many years, but simply never having enough time to begin.
She didn’t let living on the Gold Coast in Australia deter her, and went about finding classes and tutors who could enlighten her on how to learn a language at any age.
Last year Lorraine finally had the chance to put her skills to the test on a visit to Barcelona.
We think she is a wonderful example of someone who overcame fears and challenges of learning a new language, particularly as a mature student, so we have asked her some questions on how she did it, what she’s up to now and her advice for others who might like to try…
How to learn a language at any age
Why did you choose Spanish as the language to learn?
Four years ago (2012), after being retired for six years, and at the age of sixty eight, I looked up the U3A (University of the Third Age) website to see what courses were on offer, and to my delight, ‘Learning Spanish’ was one of them, so I decided to enrol.
I had been misinformed about Spanish being the easiest language to learn, which is why I chose it! I actually never had any specific language in mind.
When did you start studying?
When I turned 68 I decided it was time to stop procrastinating and enrol. Signing on for my first Spanish course was an achievement in itself. To say I was a little nervous and anxious would be an understatement.
Our teacher was a Spanish-speaking lady called Trinidad, who comes from the Canary Islands. There were about fifteen people in the class, twelve of whom had already been studying for a year or two, and some already knew another language, apart from English. There were three of us who were beginners.
I would be lying if I said I found it easy to start with. We had typed sheets from which we worked, and at first I didn’t know where I was. For the first year I felt embarrassed that I could not answer the questions or translate the reading, which was in Spanish.
This was compounded by the fact that except for the beginners, everybody else could. I realise I had unrealistic expectations about how quickly I might grasp the language, but that is how it was. It was hard. One of the ladies who started with me dropped out after a few weeks, and the other one dropped out of the class after the first year.
Can you explain a little about the steps you’ve taken through the process of learning Spanish?
I went for one hour a week, and we did not go in the school holidays. We had homework. The first year was the hardest.
The second year was better. Our teacher went overseas for four months, and did not continue teaching at U3A. She decided to teach the class at her home, and we were separated into an intermediate class, of which there were three of us, and an advanced class.
The two ladies in my class have sons who live in Spain, and had married Spanish girls, so they decided to learn Spanish to be able to converse with their daughter-in-law and their families.
I progressed much better in the second year.
Once we were separated into an intermediate class where there were just the three of us, I felt more comfortable being with people who were on a similar level to me in the learning process.
Almost all of the people in the two classes were retired school teachers, whereas I had left school at fifteen. I would forget what a “conjunction” was, but I just asked to be told again, whereas the retired teachers didn’t forget these sort of things.
What did you gain out of actually having the chance to be immersed in the language in Barcelona in 2015?
I went to Spain with my son for five days and I made sure every day that I was there that I spoke Spanish as much as I possibly could, even if it was just asking for a cup of te con leche, por favor (tea with milk please). It was such fun.
When I arrived at the hotel, I informed the staff on reception that I was learning Spanish, and that I would be attempting to speak to them in their language, and would they please correct me when I was wrong.
They found this quite amusing, and were happy to oblige. My son was impressed with how well I was doing in learning Spanish. Being amongst the Spanish people inspired me to want express myself in their language while I was there, and I found they really appreciated the fact I was making the effort.
I won’t insult your intelligence by saying it is easy to learn a language at any age or at my age, but I have gained so much from trying. I have made it a personal challenge.
I keep telling myself, “You can do this, I AM doing this, and I will not let it get the better of me.” I am most determined about it. You don’t always remember what you have learnt, but that is OK, other people don’t either.
What are your best tips on how to learn a language at any age, for anyone keen to get started this year?
I would highly recommend to anyone considering learning a second language, to go for it. It really gives you quite a boost when you see that you are capable of doing it.
Don’t worry if it seems hard and you think you will never get it. It does get easier with time! If you are a senior like me, I am sure it helps with your memory, and what an achievement that you are getting out of your comfort zone and trying something new. Just do it.
What do you think you personally have gained from pursuing the learning of a language, despite not travelling all the time?
I have made wonderful friends from the people in my class, especially my Spanish teacher, who now teaches me how to cook Spanish dishes, and always brings to dinner a bottle of Sangria which she has made.
The class have had social outings to restaurants where Spanish is spoken, and we have people from Spanish speaking countries come to our class to converse with us. I find it all such fun, and we have a lot of laughs, especially at our mistakes. Just get involved and you will get so much out of it.
Something magical happened this morning as I dwelled in life without WiFi. I couldn’t access any internet on a dawn train trip out of London, and in true form I’d planned to use my hour journey south to clear my email inbox. It wasn’t meant to be. Even my phone’s 3G wasn’t working, so social media wasn’t an option. Old school it was, then.
I sat back in my seat and watched the world flash by; a monochrome storyboard of England’s rich landscape.
As we rolled smoothly out of Victoria station, I was reminded once again how beautiful London is under the sleepy veil of morning darkness. Clean and crisp following an overnight storm, buildings and roads shone and the little lights dotted around construction sites along the Thames sparkled as if the city’s Christmas decorations were still on display. Leaning my head against the windowpane, my upward gaze mindlessly followed the paths of airliners gliding ever so gracefully; dark grey shadows, like ghosts against the pitch black sky.
I find the landscape here to be so enchanting, as urban sprawl unfolds towards Croydon – once upon a time I used to embark on this path daily. Here, I see evidence of the city’s years etched into the streets and rows and rows of old homes crowded against each other. Chimneys and steeples stretch into the sky, each harbouring stories of eras gone by.
Music played on in my earphones, and I recalled lengthy Greyhound coach trips as a university student in Australia, commuting between cities – pre-mobile internet; that would be my imagining time, when songs became soundtracks to narratives taking shape in my mind. A lyric from one of my favourite classic INXS tracks caught my attention: “We all have wings, but some of us don’t know why”, and just as it was sung, I looked around to see a section of an advertising billboard directly in my view – two golden wings proudly and preciously on display.
Life without Wifi meant I caught the loveliness of dawn as the sun rose across the UK on this day, which falls at the end of what was a week full of fantastic change for me; and pretty much at the end of January (already!). I enjoyed the subtle transition of cityscape to water-drenched patches of deep-green countryside. I hung out in the worlds of my most treasured music tracks, and was present for sweet moments and signs all around me that I simply would have missed had my nose been in my iPad. I had the opportunity to be reacquainted with the pleasures of observing, dreaming, and being inspired to put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard, as the case inevitably will be). What a nice gift it was, to live once again with a beginner’s mind and indulge in the pleasures I thought were only on offer to me as a creatively indulgent teen (apt that it should occur the very week The X-Files returns).
Life without WiFi – I’d encourage you to try it, more than once this week.
Lately I’ve encountered an array of ‘temperamental personalities’ within workplaces where I’ve been contracting; nice, intelligent, motivated people, but prone to breeding ill-feelings due to ongoing ‘bad days’ and in some cases, weeks!
One such example: a magazine designer, Anna, all of a sudden got very moody and sullen at work a few weeks back, to the point where she was obviously being very short with other staff (women, in particular). The primary-school-esque behaviour was not something I’d expect in a professional adult setting, but it seemed to me things were happening at home that were being brought into the office (not necessarily professional, but it happens). What followed was also fairly immature − other team members began gossiping about what Anna’s ‘problem’ was, and in turn ended up feeling miserable themselves. After a few weeks, Anna seemed to move on from her moodiness, but one other on the team, Kelly, has taken it all to heart. She’s harbouring resentment, and now this workplace’s communications team aren’t as communicative as they deserve to be.
None of us are immune to getting involved in this kind of thing. We’ve all got clients, friends, bosses and co-workers who are occasionally (or consistently!) moody and pessimistic, and it only takes one snarky word on a bad day, or a rude snub when we’re doing our best to smile in the first place, for a ‘snap’ to take place, and then the spiral downwards begins. I’m sure you can appreciate that awful feeling, when things go from bright and bubbly in a relationship(s), to strained and cold. It’s awful, and incredibly difficult when it happens in a space where you’re forced to spend a lot of time.
All this negativity can be draining, but after a couple of weeks witnessing what was happening amongst this otherwise-nice group of people, it occurred to me that it wasn’t (and mostly never is) the actions of the person being a bitch/in a bad mood/having a rubbish day/acting like a negative Nancy, that makes a room dull with downer energy. It is actually, us, or accurately, those who play into someone else’s problem, and make it a bigger issue than it needs to be.
We may like some co-workers, clients, sales reps, consultants and supervisors we more than others, and that’s ok. But inevitably, a lot of time is spent together as we each toil to generate income, so what if we were to choose to focus on defusing dark situations rather than simply focussing ON the situation alone.
Here’s what I’ve learned │ co-working karma
Let it go; everyone has ‘their thing’ going on.
Be forgiving (it’s more pleasant than being resentful).
Practice kindness – often that’s the ingredient missing in others’ lives.
Don’t be afraid to instigate peace – grudges are so last decade.
Choose better thoughts; the more you worry about the issue, the bigger it becomes.
Devise ways for your team to get-together socially – a relaxed, fun out-of-work environment can put people at ease, assisting individuals to move past office-related issues.
As always, two choices exist. We can spend time being bummed about a situation or someone’s bad attitude; or we can bring light and a little love to the experience. It’s as easy as starting with ourselves, and considering whether or not we’re taking ownership of the energy, actions, attitude and beliefs we are individually putting forward.
If you’re currently having difficulties in your work life, try this before reacting defensively or destructively: think kindly towards those causing you grief. In your mind, wish them a day as nice as you hope yours will be, and try to get into this kinder mindset before setting foot in the office or into the meeting you’ve been dreading. It’s easy to forget that everyone has their own thing going on, and that it’s up to us to each show up with grace, gratitude, and a tidied-up attitude. With this in mind, it could be you who singlehandedly brings warmth to cold times.
By Sarah Blinco. Originally published, Get it Magazine, June 2015
Hands up if you’ve ever been delayed in transit or had your daily plan thrown out by something silly like a traffic jam, and you’ve ended up, well, super annoyed? Yep, me too. Unexpected changes to my plans have often meant major tantrums and freak outs. Recently I had an epiphany on this front though, which has pleasantly changed how I perceive time I once would have deemed ‘lost’. Surprisingly, it all started at a crowded railway station, one drizzly Wednesday morning…
I was on a work trip in a capital city and relying on public transport to get me from A to B. That bit wasn’t so bad, as I was conveniently staying above a transit centre. On the morning of an important meeting, I turned up to discover major delays and an up to 40 minute wait. Brilliant! I started to panic – I’d only just arrive in time, if that.
Feeling flustered, pacing the platform as if that might miraculously manifest my ride, I considered the options. I could race to the station up the road to see if they had fewer issues (doubtful). Ed Sheeran could drown out my worries with his sublime voice (nah, feeling too impatient for music). Alternatively, Wi-Fi was on offer. I could press play on a lengthy podcast I’d hoped to listen to over breakfast.
I switched the webcast on, only to discover that what I had planned to listen to merely for general interest’s sake, turned out to be a half hour of motivating messages I needed to hear, now. The presenter even shared practical advice which I benefitted from in meetings that very day. I barely noticed the time fly by because I was so engaged. In fact, when a notification appeared overhead revealing there was a further five minute delay, I was happy that I’d be able to listen to the end. I really did feel like a cheeky Universal intervention had actually ‘given’ me the time to listen, because it was important that I did so.
To be sure, the “best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry”, so why do we all too often default to stress and impatience when something doesn’t go our way? For me, it usually takes a lot of will power not to be dirty when my schedule is knocked out of play. I’ve always been a planner, early with deadlines and to meetings. Going with the flow – allowing – is something I’ve had to learn and practice.
Gwyneth Paltrow starred in a film called Sliding Doors – maybe you remember it? One of the themes the movie explores is what happens when life doesn’t go to plan, like when you miss your train (or find your partner is cheating on you!). Therapist, Joleen Watson, comments on her website, “The movie [Sliding Doors] teaches that we can’t control the outcome – we can only control our actions and the choices we make in life. And we can continue to trust the process that there is something we are supposed to learn through the process of letting go.”
My moment on the train platform made me think of that film. I was rather chuffed to realise that being stuck wasn’t a waste of time, but indeed, a gift of time.
Whether it’s your taxi turning up late, or missing out on a job you thought you wanted, life happens, and it’s beyond our control. Last week I read that the presence of fear (which can be the root of many feelings including anxiety, worry, stress, jealousy, sadness, panic) is a sign that you are trusting in your own strength, rather than leaning on a power greater than you. In other words, sometimes we have to let go of the schedule or plan, and have a little faith it will all work out in the end (even if it’s not the way originally imagined).
Aim to succeed, of course, just like I’d planned to catch the 8.07am train that morning back in April. But, when circumstances mean you have to change tack, if all else fails, try surrendering the worry. Give yourself a break next time you’re delayed or diverted, and consider what else you could take away from the moment instead.
A little timeless advice from Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882), worth pondering next time your plans are thrown off course:
“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.”
By Sarah Blinco. Originally published, Get it Magazine, May 2015
Cooper and I were chatting this morning about how to make time for personal endeavours; that is, how do you find the time to follow your heart? You see, I’m a little more adept at juggling a lot of things because I’ve been forced into being organised through running my own business, and doing absolutely everything as a sole trader. While I am working full time now in a gig I love, I haven’t lost the habit of always ‘doing something’ (although, I think that’s a personality type too – perhaps you relate!). Plus, I’ve got stories to share and messages to promote – hence TLL.
I know plenty of people who want to design a slightly different life for themselves, or pursue other passions entirely aside from their current work situation. But it’s really challenging, with family commitments, work, life and that irritating nemesis, tiredness!
The conversation got me thinking about what advice I’d give to Cooper, or anyone else struggling with an already packed program when it comes to work/life balance. I’ve learned a thing or two on my own, but also through observing others – including super busy mums – who have successfully created a life and/or business they love.
Have a listen…
Key take-aways
How to find the time to follow your heart:
Set time aside each morning – just 20 minutes is all you need. If that means you have to get up early (short-term pain for long-term gain), then do it. Start now.
I live by my mornings now, and strongly suggest you spend the first 5 to 10 minutes of yours in contemplation about the day to come, and how great it’s going to be.
Spend another 10 minutes or so in inspired action towards your ultimate goal. Write/blog/mind-map/watch a motivating YouTube clip. Start the day off on a positive note.
Keep a notebook (or equivalence) with you to jot down goals, ideas, dreams, plans, gratitude lists and things you want – do this throughout the day! Not only will this exercise attract better things into your world, it’ll cheer you up in the process.
Do one small thing towards your goal/dream/big idea every day. No action is too small.
Keep an eye out for opportunities to learn, in the form of webinars and free online activities that will only take up an hour or so of your time each week. Subscribe to your favourite service-providers or coaches’ email alerts.
Utilise YouTube – set up your very own motivation playlist, and save clips in there that you can access at any given time, day or night. Clips might include TED Talks, motivational monologues, 10 minute mindfulness meditations, videos by business or spiritual coaches… Whatever gets you going.
Reflect before sleep, on the day that’s been. Be proud of your actions and set an intention to keep moving forward tomorrow.
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Four years ago (2012), after being retired for six years, and at the age of sixty eight, I looked up the U3A (University of the Third Age) website to see what courses were on offer, and to my delight, ‘Learning Spanish’ was one of them, so I decided to enrol.
I would highly recommend to anyone considering learning a second language, to go for it. It really gives you quite a boost when you see that you are capable of doing it.
All this negativity can be draining, but after a couple of weeks witnessing what was happening amongst this otherwise-nice group of people, it occurred to me that it wasn’t (and mostly never is) the actions of the person being a bitch/in a bad mood/having a rubbish day/acting like a negative Nancy, that makes a room dull with downer energy. It is actually, us, or accurately, those who play into someone else’s problem, and make it a bigger issue than it needs to be.
To be sure, the “best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry”, so why do we all too often default to stress and impatience when something doesn’t go our way? For me, it usually takes a lot of will power not to be dirty when my schedule is knocked out of play. I’ve always been a planner, early with deadlines and to meetings. Going with the flow – allowing – is something I’ve had to learn and practice.
