Have you ever considered what your “default emotion” is? I’d not heard the term before, nor had I even placed any thought on the matter, until I came across an interview with Nisha Moodley, a women’s leadership coach. She says we each have default emotions − some people get sad easily, or angry or confused; often this is a way of escaping the discomfort of what we are facing, whether it be a conflict, fear of change or moving forward.
We’re all up to big things these days. We have big ideas on what we want to create for our families, businesses and lives. While I believe anything is possible, that large void of potential can be scary at times.
Those who know me understand I’m often doing crazy things, making wild manoeuvres away from my perfectly-fine comfort zone. I do wish I could sit still, but my mind − like yours − conjures big things, and I find myself making significant changes every few years in an attempt to pursue these ideas, hopes and dreams. Those of you who don’t know me personally have probably worked this out about me though, based on what I write and blog about.
I mention it, not to advocate making wild changes, nor to preach that change can be positive. I bring it up, because I know first-hand that while change more often than not leads to something amazing, it can be tough. Whether it’s self-imposed or change that has been thrust upon you, it requires time, perseverance and sometimes, a lot of deep breaths to move through, until you get to that place where you realise you’ve made it, and you smile.
So, “default emotions”. They usually run rampant when we’re in a period of flux. Mine were at play recently when things were spinning around; change and choices flying at me swiftly. I could feel myself blocking it all with self-doubt and fear. I rationalised reasons for not trying things, rather than reasons why I should go for (or deal with) it. Interestingly, Nisha warns us to get familiar with such emotions and associated reactions. When you feel them creeping in, learn to recognise the emotions, and check to make sure they’re not emerging in response to something which needs to be managed or overcome (fear, doubt, guilt, anxiety etc.).
By being able to recognise these signs, Nisha explains, we can learn to not let blocks stop us from “playing bigger”. Sometimes your default emotion(s) will prevent you from taking the next − possibly daunting, but potentially game-changing − step forward in life, love or career.
How to get through your own road-blocks? Nisha suggests we need to reconnect with what she calls “your North Star”, a combination of “WHY for you and WHY for the world.” That is, “Your ‘why for the world’ is what really inspires you and calls you into action (e.g. better education for all children, animal rights), and the ‘why for you’ is what personally inspires and calls you into action (e.g. do you long to write, create, nurture…?).”
The best bit about Nisha’s advice is she reminds us to stop trying to work it all out alone. Instead, touch base with friends and mentors who can quite often and easily help you move through confusion or worry, and remind you of what your strengths are, and what life adjustments are likely to complement you as an individual. “Develop your sisterhood, seek advice, share openly (the good and the bad), ask for assistance; help each other,” Nisha says.
What better moment than Christmastime to round up the girls for a brainstorm and heart-to-heart!
Soon it will be a new year, a time generally associated with change and goal setting. The notion of big change might not be where you’re at, or maybe you’re like me and you’ve just reached a particular milestone and presently looking around mystified and thinking, “OMG, what now?!”
An option I’ve embraced is to go back to basics. Slow down, breathe, take baby steps, and reconnect with people (in person, not online). Avoid overwhelm by focussing on just one important thing you need to do each day which will move you closer to “your North Star”. Stop to assess those “default emotions” too, and consider the outcome surrounding your potential next steps. That is, if you were to remove fear, doubt and confusion from the equation, what decision(s) would you really make? Upon reflection, you’ll likely realise, as I have, that you are the one who has kept you playing small. It’s safe in that space, sure, but it’s the only thing stopping you from achieving your “more”.
The interview discussed:
By Sarah Blinco. Originally published in Get it Magazine, December 2014
Christmas – it’s called the silly season for a reason. The big day is just around the corner and this is when our emotional health and wellbeing gets put to the test. We need to stress less and enjoy more.
Here are some tips for you to keep your nerve and still have a smile on your face, even after all the Christmas pudding has been consumed.
Avoid the rush. Planning ahead saves time and money. Make lists (and check them twice!) for groceries, presents and jobs to be done. Sticking to your list and a budget will save burning a hole in your pocket and starting the New Year broke. Take advantage of extended hours at shopping centres, or avoid them altogether and buy online. Alternatively, get the kids busy in the kitchen and make edible gifts for neighbours, teachers, friends and family. There’s nothing better than receiving a home baked present.
Give the gift of gratitude. Express gratitude to those that have made your year special, even if it was in a small way. Send a Christmas card with a heartfelt message. Say thanks to the tradie that came out on the weekend, or the babysitter that was able to turn up at short notice, or your neighbour for checking your mail while you were on holidays. By being grateful, you not only let someone know they are appreciated, but you open yourself to deeper connections and friendships for the year ahead.
Say no to holiday stress. Prioritise what’s really important to you and your family. It could be putting up the tree, religious observances, holidays, catching up with friends, or quality family time. At this time of year it’s too easy to say ‘yes’ to everything, including uninvited house guests, Christmas parties and long shopping trips and overspending, leaving you mentally and physically exhausted.
Focus on your priorities and say ‘no’ to everything else. Politely decline the extra invitations and if it’s someone important to you, suggest to catch up after the silly season. You’ll feel less frazzled and able to embrace your true meaning of Christmas.
Relax. The Christmas rush can be overwhelming and these feelings can produce symptoms of anxiety, anger and stress. Take 15 minutes at the end of your day to sit, relax and practice mindfulness. Focus on your breathing and let your thoughts come and go. It will not only alleviate the stress but will give you a sense of calm and inner peace.
Eat, drink and be merry (in moderation). With the many festive parties, catch-ups and celebratory drinks, Christmas is synonymous with over-indulgence with food and alcohol. Enjoy indulgent food and alcoholic drinks in moderation and balance them out with lots of healthy choices. Keep hydrated by drinking lots of H20.
Most importantly, don’t forget to enjoy yourself. Christmas is about sharing good times with friends, family, work colleagues and other special people that make our lives enriched by being around them.
About the writer Luke Sheedy is a gifted life advisor, motivator and free thinker. He combines his metaphysical talents to advise clients on their natural strengths, talents and abilities. Luke helps release what is holding you back, so growth can occur and your life’s plan can unfold naturally.
If you’re a foodie eating in London, you’d be mistaken to think there’s only over-cooked food and fish and chips. Far from your typical pub fare, London offers so much for the discerning foodie, especially when you know where to look.
Best spots for eating in London
Fine dining
Located in London’s Victoria and serving some of the city’s finest Italian fare, diners at TOZI will find something so much more than the expected. TOZI specialises in Venetian cicchetti, or smaller sized plates designed to share as well as a selection of wood fired pizzas. Dishes at TOZI are inspired by the casual dining of the Veneto regions with a strong emphasis on seasonal and quality ingredients, sourced where possible from the best Italian producers.
Italian born, head chef Maurillo has years of experience running Italian restaurants in some of the city’s most exclusive private member clubs including Shoreditch House, and the menu reflects exactly the fine dining calibre you’d expect.
Paired with an Italian wine list and a sophisticated classic Italian (of course) cocktail menu, don’t be surprised if you find yourself already planning your return. And if you’re the type to get a bit of ‘menu paralysis’ whereby you’re unable to order when there’s just too amazing choices, you can leave the ordering in the very capable hands of the wait staff at TOZI and you won’t be disappointed.
Meals are generously portioned, deliciously fresh and cooked to perfection. And while the meals are certainly a win, it’s the friendly service that adds so much more to the experience.
The bar menu includes a signature Spritz, home-made barrel-aged Negroni and Amaro TOZI, served straight from the barrel.
Casual dining/street food
Truly one of the most fun places for eating in London – street food at the Brick Lane Food markets!
Located a short walk from East Aldgate and Shoreditch stations, you’ll find absolutely every cuisine you could possibly imagine (and many you didn’t even know existed!) here.
Just walking into the food market area, your senses will certainly be overcome with the buzzing atmosphere of authentic cuisines served up with pride. It’s a great way to spend an afternoon. Just make sure to arrive hungry!
And if street food isn’t your thing, while you’re in the Brick Lane market area, you can visit boutique food shops, bars, restaurants, cafes as well as a cereal bar called Cereal Killer (yes they serve boxed cereal only and yes people queue to eat it). There’s truly something for everyone here.
While you walk off those calories, enjoy the art, craft and second-hand markets that spill out over several streets and include hundreds stalls selling clothing, artwork, handmade items, vintage items and antiques, collectibles, you name it. It’s essentially more shopping than you’d likely be able to do in a day.
Afternoon tea
It’s the quintessential London experience to enjoy an afternoon or high tea and Scoff & Banter, located just below The Radisson Blu Edwardian, Bloomsbury Street Hotel in Covent Garden is just the place to do it.
Located a short stroll from many of the city’s theatres such as the popular Cambridge Theatre, it’s a great spot to enjoy a matinee and high-tea experience. Scoff & Banter offers afternoon tea experiences that are often themed to accompany the performance taking place at the theatre.
The afternoon experience offers a menu both adults and children will adore with the traditional tea sandwiches, scones, jam and cream and decadent sweets.
After tea, enjoy a bit of retail therapy in the popular Seven Dials shopping district loaded with a heavy mixture of international brands as well as smaller boutiques.
No matter your preference in dining styles, spending just a few days in London will still allow you to experience a whole world of delicious dining experiences.
About the author
Gwen O’Toole is an accomplished writer focussing on travel, events management and food and wine. She also published a fiction novel while spending the past eight years as a magazine editor and travelling the globe before launching The Ideas Library, a creative services and event management company. She is regularly featured in a variety of travel and leisure publications and blogs.
Bath is the epitome of Georgian elegance and is a wonderful place to visit at any time of the year. It’s a pleasurable day trip from London (take Great Western Rail from Paddington); or stay a night or two and truly indulge in all the romantic things to do in Bath!
Personally, I love Bath because it’s easy to get around but has all the perks of a city like shopping, coffee, plenty to see and do. Bath is rich in history – the buildings tell many lifetimes worth of tales, dating back to the Romans right through to Jane Austen, and even the birth of Royal Mail. And, aside from anything else, the city is strikingly beautiful.
It’s one for the romantics, for sure – a very special place, like York (which you also must visit). Here are seven of our sweetest ideas for you to explore…
7 romantic things to do in Bath, England
Bath Abbey Tower Tour
Bath Abbey is the divine structure that makes for a perfect meeting spot in the town centre. It is an utterly surprising find as you’re wandering the old streets, and you’ll have your phone in hand snapping pictures before you even realise what you’re doing!
Indulge in some people watching in the square, and when you’ve gathered your breath, climb to the top for a bird’s eye view of the area.
If this idea takes your fancy, you can book exclusive personalised tours which take place out of hours. Watch the sun set over this uniquely lovely place, away from the tourist crowds. More at bathabbey.org/towertours.
Stroll along the Gravel Walk
This is fine for all, but Austen fans will especially rejoice because it is the setting of Anne Elliot and Captain Wentworth’s proposal in Persuasion.
Continue your wander through to Royal Victoria Park for a picnic, and wind up your exploration in the lovely woodland of the Botanical Gardens.
Be mindful after dark though, for although it might seem pretty at dusk it is said that a number of Bath’s former residents often also wander here. Particularly notable is a white haired man who will appear before you on the Gravel Walk, only to vanish back into the night. Spooky, although perhaps a romantic pursuit for the ghost-hunters (like me) among you…
Boo!
Take to nature – canal ride, row boat or horse drawn carriage ride
As you step off the train into the city of Bath, you’ll spot signs for visitor information centres. Drop in and enquire about one of the unique opportunities to interact with nature.
Back in town, we suggest skipping the cab line and instead take a horse drawn carriage ride around the city, just like in Austen’s romantic age. Be enchanted as you pass by grand spaces like the Royal Crescent, Royal Victoria Park and The Circus. Courtyard Carriages will make it happen.
Stay overnight in a romantic hotel!
Bath is brimming with excellent accommodation options for all budgets. If you’re willing to splash out for a special occasion and take full advantage of this city’s status as a centre for romance, this one looks nice – the Royal Crescent Hotel & Spa. It’s centrally located with sublime views of the city! We’ve not stayed here, but sure would like to. Seems so very Austen-esque.
Another decadent property I spotted on our travels was Bath Spa Hotel, a five star stay overlooking the breathtaking Bath landscape.
Jane Austen festival in September
Yes, yes and yes!
Indulge in regal splendour – performances, balls, workshops, promenades, fairs, lunches, breakfasts (and the odd Mr Darcy sprinkled around town for good measure)…
There are even short tours of the surrounding area on offer so you can get your entire literary and adventure fix with the least amount of effort. If you’re a fan of the author, don’t miss visiting in September. More at janeaustenfestivalbath.co.uk.
Note: there’s a plethora of Austen experiences open all year round too if you can’t make it in spring.
Thermae Bath Spa
Bath is of course famed for its ancient baths and healing waters, and now thanks to Thermae, we can all take a dip.
After you’ve explored the interesting old ruins, step it up to contemporary times in an utterly indulgent and romantic manner. Thermae now boasts a sensational rooftop pool with sweeping city views. There’s plenty of other treatments you can enjoy too – the best of modern pleasures and old world lush blended into a sublime chance to unwind and feel the love.
Country walks and quaint villages
When we visited Bath recently, we actually took the Hop on Hop off bus tour, which features two routes through Bath. One travels around the city and explains the local history, and the other highlights the outskirts upon the hilltops overlooking the city’s skyline. This is an excellent way to get your bearings in the city. Helpful too, because Bath is very hilly so it’s easy to get tired making your way around. An option like this makes it simpler to identify the places you might like to go back to, and the skyline journey in particular showcases some lovely walks.
Suggested places to visit include the ‘prettiest village in England’, Castle Combe (accessible from Bath), Kennet and Avon canals which are some of the loveliest waterways working their way through England. The tour guide also pointed out walks you can try nearby to stops on the tour’s itinerary such as around Middle Hill Lodge.
Words can’t describe how lovely it is here, although many writers have attempted to do so throughout history. Why not visit and see for yourself? You may find the Visit Bath website useful, and book your train tickets in advance for the best deal, Trainline.
If you’ve found this helpful or have a tip to add, please let us know in the comments.
Rolling green hills, pretty ponds, and sheep calmly grazing across vast expanses of English countryside − it was all very dreamy, as we headed towards the filming location of Downton Abbey, Highclere Castle.
We’d been driving along a quiet winding road for a while and wondered where it was.
“If you tilt your head to the left, Miss, just over the tops of those trees, you’ll see it in a moment,” chimed the jolly cab driver I’d met just 15 minutes ago in the nearby village of Newbury.
Filming location of Downton Abbey, Highclere Castle
As he spoke, indeed, it appeared! How amazing – Downton Abbey, or in real life, Highclere Castle – a very accessible day trip from London.
I couldn’t help the welling of excitement as we rounded the corner past more manicured greenery.
All of a sudden, England’s most famous stately home, Highclere Castle arose, grand as ever.
It reminded me of the excitement of when we had the chance to explore historical Blencowe Hall (part of my heritage and a stately place up in the north of England)!
It was just like in one of the world’s most-watched series’, Downton Abbey (sadly, final season aired in 2016, but as of an update to this blog, a film was released late 2019.
Exploring Highclere Castle (‘Downton Abbey’)
You too can play out your Crawley family fantasies by visiting the filming location of Downton Abbey, as do thousands of others who visit annually during the lavish property’s open periods (usually UK’s spring/summer).
The Jacobethan-style country house is set on 5000 acres (five times bigger than New York’s Central Park).
It’s an opportunity to step back into another world altogether.
The library is magnificent, housing over 5000 classic editions; pause a moment in the posh dining room and ballroom (where many a romantic Downton moment has been stolen), and the bedrooms (there’s over 50!).
You can wander the formal gardens, plus enjoy a spot of tea and scones. It’s very special, almost royal like Buckingham Palace, that’s for sure.
When Downton filming is done, Highclere hosts expensive events and celebrity weddings.
It’s home to Lord and Lady Carnarvon, and the property has been in the Carnarvon family for over 300 years.
Back in its heyday, an army of 60 servants catered to the Carnarvons’ every desire. However, it costs around $1 million to maintain such a stately home these days, with just 20 full time staff.
Getting from London to Highclere Castle
It’s an easy day trip − around an hour’s train ride from Paddington to the quaint town of Newbury, then a friendly cab driver will ferry you to Downton… er, I mean, Highclere (but don’t worry if you get it wrong, they’re used to it!).
Good news for those fretting over the end of our favourite show or indeed excited for the new film – you can still make a pilgrimage here and enjoy ever more of England’s charms. Book your tickets here
Are you a Downton Abbely fan too? Drop me a line in the comments!
The impact of social media on youth is highly debated in the media. Does social media expose your child to danger, what do you think?
Possibly, but I believe the risks can be reduced, as long as we’re prepared to be curious about how the younger gen consumes digital media, and understand how they are using social platforms so we can make sure they’re doing so safely and age-appropriately.
Impact of social media on youth
At the end of summer term, my school held a disco to celebrate year six students finishing primary school. To capture this momentous occasion, students were allowed to bring in smart phones/mobile devices (normally banned during school hours).
They embraced this freedom with vigorous enthusiasm. My colleagues and I watched in amazement as the serious selfie-obsession (video and photos) unfolded before our eyes. Sadly, some students preferred to play on their devices, engrossed in games (missing the significance of the event) and chatting with friends online, who were at the disco! We also witnessed some students vent frustration and anger at not being able to upload their images. They were missing out on ‘likes’, you see; the more ‘likes’ achieved, the more popular they perceive themselves to be. Not a totally healthy reflection of real life – thanks Kim K and co.!
Did you know?
The most frequent activity amongst children today is engaging in social media? Any site which allows your child to interact socially, such as Facebook, Instagram, Whatsapp, Snapchat, Twitter, Youtube and gaming portals are all classed as social media.
I’ll be honest, I love social media and technology. This digital revolution means we benefit from a fantastic flow of information, learning and open communication. But, ‘with great power, comes great responsibility,’ and this applies to adults (parents, teachers, carers) and children, who of course due to age, are more vulnerable to peer pressure and dangers of digital as they experiment in this space.
It’s no great secret that the digital age has a dark side, and there can be collateral damage associated with it. There are many dangers kids will encounter on their journey through adolescence, including as they navigate social media and its boundaries. Remember, this is NOT about your child being naive, immature, untrustworthy or naughty – kids are kids, and there’s only so much they can be expected to navigate safely on their own.
What are the dangers?
cyber bullying,
sexual predators,
criminals,
sharing or consumption of inappropriate photos and video
sharing too much information which can lead to anything from your home being burgled, to a young person sharing photos-not-set-for-public-consumption, tagged with your precise physical location!
As a parent (and teacher, for that matter), if you lack a basic understanding of social media, and find it difficult to communicate with digitally-confident children, you are manifesting a disconnect between you and the youngster in your care.
Here are ways to help you navigate this new socialisation and to bridge that technical gap.
Social media and teens – helpful rules
Talk to your child
…about specific issues they may be dealing with, or what other children may be encountering online.
Become curious and better educated
…about the many technologies children and teenagers are using. There are plenty of ways you can learn more – local courses, YouTube tutorials, personal coaches or simply ask questions on areas that are new to you.
Instigate family discussions concerning online topics
… check privacy settings (including location settings on mobile devices), and keep an eye on online profiles for inappropriate posts. On the point of security, if you’re worried, seek advice and assistance from your local mobile phone store, an IT or digital media consultant, or speak to your mobile / broadband provider.
Discuss the importance of your supervising online activities
…through active participation and communication. If the child in your care is out with friends or socialising and playing somewhere in the ‘real world’, I’d expect you would know where they are, who they are with and that they’re being effectively supervised. The same rules apply to online activity. You should be aware of ‘where’ online they are hanging out, and who it is they’re liaising with. Wonder how kids can get into trouble? Press play on the video linked above – you’ll realise why it’s important to take control.
Keep all devices in a public area
…in the home such as places you can monitor as you’re cooking or wandering through a room e.g. lounge, kitchen, dining. I’d also urge you to seriously consider why any child needs to take a mobile device to bed… (actually, we adults shouldn’t either – it’s a dreadful habit – put them away at night!).
Be prepared
Have a strategy in place for if/when your child may be exposed to inappropriate content.
Set aside quality time with your child
…doing things they are interested in, and vary activities across digital and real-life platforms.
Be available
All adults lead busy hectic lives, but it’s our responsibility to make time, be informed and implement safety strategies
…for online activity, just as we do for anything our kids are involved with.
Child psychologist, Dr Richard Woolfson believes, “Parents need to maintain an open dialogue and encourage children to share both good and bad online experiences, and make sure they keep up with the latest social media crazes, and work with their children rather than trying to control them.”
The world is a different place to when we were children, and things are vastly changed compared with even as recently as ten years ago. As a parent or carer, it’s critically important to remain aware and prepared for how this type of communication and technology truly impacts and works in kids’ lives and in the home. Develop rules that fit best in your household – just because another family does it one way, if a certain rule or process doesn’t sit right with you, use your discretion. Above all, seek information and educate yourself – it’s not good enough to claim that new technology ‘aint your thing! But who knows, by learning something more, you might end up enjoying this new frontier as much as the kids do.
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Christmas – it’s called the silly season for a reason. The big day is just around the corner and this is when our emotional health and wellbeing gets put to the test. We need to stress less and enjoy more.
